There’s no such thing as a superwoman, so please don’t be afraid to ask for help

Campaigning solicitor shares her seven steps to coping with the biggest challenge of her life

A campaigning solicitor says more needs to be done to support women trying to cope with returning to work after losing a child.

Keeley Lengthorn is currently campaigning for a change to the law to ensure parents who suffer a bereavement receive paid leave.

And Keeley, who lost three children in the space of three years, says this week, which marks International Women’s Day, is the “perfect moment” to underline the extra support which is urgently required.

Keeley, a partner at Taylor Rose MW Solicitors, said: “We need to deliver this law change and end so much needless suffering.”

Under current laws if a baby is stillborn after 24 weeks of pregnancy, or dies shortly after birth, employees are legally entitled to maternity or paternity leave and pay.

Yet if someone suffers a pregnancy loss before 24 weeks, it is up to the employer to decide to provide any paid leave.

Keeley is fighting to change this by supporting the Miscarriage Leave Bill, drafted by SNP MP Angela Crawley.

The second reading of the bill was stalled back in December and will now be heard on March 24.

And although the bill has been supported by some MPs, Keeley said many more are yet to offer their backing – a position she says needs to change.

“In the week we mark International Women’s Day it’s vital to acknowledge how thousands of women are needlessly suffering because they don’t receive paid leave after they lose a child,” Keeley said

“Until the law changes in this area my advice to anyone going through this would be to understand and know that there’s no such thing as a superwoman so please don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

Keeley’s son George was born sleeping on the third of March 3, 2022.  The loss came two years ago after Keeley had a miscarriage at work and a year after she suffered an ectopic pregnancy. Months before losing George, Keeley had successfully persuaded her company to introduce a baby loss policy. Tragically she ended up being the first person in the business who needed to use it.

Keeley has taken certain steps to help her after the death of George. She is now sharing them with others who are undergoing a similar experience, hoping to assist them:

Using training/Boxing/Running is my lifeline: All my boxing family were at George’s funeral and came and got me after and got me back in the gym. They even offered me the keys to go on my own when I needed to.

Leaning on family and friends: Both personally and professionally these have been my lifeline. They have all had to navigate this journey as well. For instance, my mum came to SANDS and has been to some other support groups with me to get advice about how we deal with everything.

Getting Support: SIMBA and Abigail’s Footsteps have been my biggest support. My bereavement counsellor is the only baby loss counsellor in Kent and is truly amazing. I still see her now. I meet Ashleigh who is now one of my closest friends at SANDS. She was a SANDS befriender and is my inspiration. She leaves me daily voice notes telling me how to navigate the next day, event, anniversary.

The campaign: This has been my biggest focus since I lost George. I made a promise to him that I would always make him proud and ensure that his death wasn’t for nothing and the campaign and my constant fight for change is his legacy as without this all this heartache has been for nothing. George’s tiny footprints have made such a massive impact on the world generally.

Mindset: Keeping busy and learning to smile again and knowing it’s ok to laugh and smile.

Having things to look forward to: Be it a holiday, an event or just a wine or coffee with a friend is so important.

Being able to speak and say George’s name: Because George was born sleeping I don’t have any memories. For instance, I never heard George cry or saw him smile and so being able to tell people what he was like (blonde eyebrows and big feet like his mum) makes me smile as this is all I have. I love it when people say his name and ask me questions about what he was like.